As I live around so many different cultures, I am beginning to see even more of a reality I have always known was there, but never gave much thought. Expectations. Every culture and, even within a culture, every person is different in how they expect people to behave. I forget that even in the United States there are different expectations depending on where you live. It is these expectations that seem to have such a huge influence on how we perceive others. The culture I have learned the most about recently is the Iraqi culture. (I love learning about cultures and am always fascinated by the little and sometimes big differences in them.) One of the first things we learned is the door is always open and you will get food and drink if you ask for it or not. In their culture this is expected. Though we offer refreshments to our guests if someone refuses we take them at their word and do not get anything for them. Not the case in Iraq. I also learned from one of their cultural classes that there are some cultures where you refuse several times before accepting the offer, so that just because they may refuse does not mean they do not want anything, you just have to ask a few more times. Interesting! (at least I think it is).
I say all of that to help us realize that it is our expectations that, many times, cause rifts between well meaning people. In the US I hear a lot, "well she's not a good friend because she did/did not do this or that". I confess I too am guilty of such statements. But recently I have begun to evaluate this thoughts and feelings and realizing that just because someone failed to do something I was expecting does not make them a bad friend, they just did not know I was expecting them to do that. We fail to communicate our expectations and then get upset when they are not met.
So what do we do? If it's friendship that we're frustrated with, do those things you would expect your friends to do. If it's hospitality, be the hostess you want others to be. Tell people when you expect something but be understanding if they truly cannot do what you are asking. It really comes down to the golden rule and taking the attention off of ourselves. We are told clearly in Scripture that we are to love others as ourselves and to put others before ourselves. Though this looks different depending on the situation at hand, we are to seek God and be the example He wants us to be.
I would also evaluate your expectations. Are you expecting too much? Are you being selfish? Do your expectations line up with Christ likeness or with what you see has human standards? It can be difficult to tell at times, so again we must seek God's guidance. For example, it is reasonable for me to expect my children to obey the rules as God expects us to obey His commands, but to expect that your friend call you every day and talk 30 minutes is a bit overboard. Some may have that kind of time, but is it glorifying to God?
Like so many things, I wish it were so cut and dry, but the reality is we live in a fallen world where we are surrounded by expectations of all kinds and we must learn how to follow God's plan without compromise. When we fail we need to apologize and ask forgiveness then seek to continue on with being Christlike as He guides us by His Holy Spirit.
