Saying Good-Bye?

You always know the call will come. About 3 weeks ago it did. "Pappy has cancer." Not at all surprising for a man who smoked well over half his life. The next week we found out how severe: stage 4 in his lungs, liver, stomach and esophagus. Even with treatment (radiation only since he is not physically strong enough to do chemo too) the prognosis is not good with an estimate of 4-6 months to live with radiation being palliative. Originally we had planned not to travel the week of Thanksgiving, but with this news and Jim's work schedule we decided to head to Asheville, NC for a couple of days at the beginning of this week. It was a long trek down the mountain for a 48 hour visit, but it was so worth it. And of course with this visit it makes me wonder, did I just say good-bye for the rest of this life?
What's worse, for me, is I allowed the situations around me and my fear to keep my from asking him about whether or not he has a relationship with Christ. I tried to look for the opportunity instead of making one. Something this important cannot be left to the right set of circumstances, but so much of the time that is what I do. In Christ we should not have a spirit of fear, yet fear so often dominates and Satan loves it. I hate giving him the satisfaction. So now I am really wondering, did I blow my last opportunity to share Christ with him? I pray that he really is saved, and when I have prayed about it I have had peace and I hope that peace is from the Holy Spirit and not just wishful thinking.

I love my Pap so much and I pray that he loves Jesus and will be in God's kingdom when this life ends. I know that God will do whatever will bring Him glory.









Pap meeting Lillian and Reuben and the first time seeing Jamey in two years! Two years is far too long.

Busy Life

I honestly do not know where to begin as I have gotten so far behind. Having three children is quite a new adventure. I love it, but some days I'm not sure how to do it all. My biggest struggle is time management. There are so many things I need to do as well as other things I want to do. Prioritizing is different and I feel like I'm starting to get it a little bit. God is teaching me so much and I want to write down everything, but I don't have time. School is going well with Jamey and Lillian is getting interested in letters and reading now. Reuben listens in as we do school and seems to be stimulated by it. It's amazing how alike and different our kids are. Even as a baby I see similarities to the other two as well as stark differences. The other struggle is getting fatigued and when you have a few moments with all the kids asleep you cannot remember what all you wanted to write. Thus is life, but I love it. I would not have it any other way. God has blessed us so much, though we do not deserve it at all, and I will take the fatigue to be able to love on my babies just one more day.

Book Club!

I have been desiring to be part of a Christian book club for quite a few years now, and one has started this past month through Southern! I am so excited about it. We had our first meeting to discuss Girls Gone Wise in a world gone wild by Mary Kassian. This book is so fitting for this day and age. Not only is it fitting for our time, it is fitting for all time and is for a woman of any age. Though the context is more directed at the younger generations, the principles are important for all women and girls. Mrs. Kassian looks at 20 points of contrast between a wild thing and a girl-gone-wise and every single one of them spoke to me on some level. Like with all material different points will hit different people differently, but every single point is pertinent to our daily lives. The high light is that we cannot be wise with out a relationship with Christ. And only He can take our wild days and forgive them through His blood. This book has opened my eyes to even more areas I need to repent of sin and let Christ guide me into how I need to live more like Him. I still have so far to go, but I am thankful for this saving grace that has reached into my soul and given me knew life.
I very highly recommend this book to ALL women of ALL ages and stages of life. It is scriptural and has verses of the Bible throughout to show God's wisdom that has been given to Mrs. Kassian and that will be given to us if we put our faith in the saving power of Christ's death and resurrection for us. I know I am in need of much more wisdom and I am quite sure you are too. So trust Christ and His Word to help you see that we need wisdom as women living in a wild age.

Family of Five

It has been a week since we welcomed God's gift of sweet Reuben into our family. How quickly a week has flown by! Thankfully, by God's grace, it has been a decently smooth transition. Most days I have felt pretty rested even getting up every 2 hours to feed. God is sustaining me.
Jamey and Lillian have been very sweet to Reuben. That is definitely by God's grace. We have had some very tender moments. Lillian has done much better with Reuben than Jamey ever did with Lillian. She loves to give Reuben kisses and say "I love you". Unfortunately she calls him Mama, which is a little confusing, but I know in time his name will come. Jamey, who hates to share, especially with Lillian, readily gives his toys to Reuben saying, "here Reuben". He wants to help change diapers and has asked to hold him a couple of times. Jamey has really stepped into the role of "big brother".
On the other side, they have been testing Jim and I. Whining is quite prevalent, boundary testing is abounding and demanding attention in weird ways are all around. I have so much to learn. I want to be consistent and have clear rules and boundaries. I want them to be God honoring, not just rules for the sake of rules. I do not want to be emotional and reactionary as can sometimes happen when you are not at your top game. By God's grace I am slowly learning these things and how to apply them to myself and to my family. I am so thankful that I have a God who is patient and gracious with me but will discipline me when I need to be corrected and is teaching me how to do the same with my children. Having another child has helped me in understanding more of these truths and realize even more there is no way I can do this on my own. As Jim pointed out our first day home, "They out number us now, you know". And so they do. But I would not have it any other way. Only by God's grace can two adults raise three children running in three different directions.
I am so thrilled and blessed to be a family of five. I am honored that God saw it fit to bless me with children at all, much less three. I know we have so much to learn and so much growing to do, and we will do it together as a family of five. Thanks be to God!

Reuben Yates

God has blessed us with another son! Reuben Yates Manor joined our family on September 7, 2011 at 4:34pm. He weighed in at 8 lbs 8 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He is beautiful!

God's hand was completely in this as He is in all births and I am excited to share how God showed His glory and favor to us. Both of my other children had to be induced for different reasons and I desired so much in my heart to go into labor unassisted medically. God designed birth and I knew that He could put my body into labor without medical assistance and I prayed so hard for this. Not only were Jim and I praying for this, many of our wonderful friends were praying the same thing for us. I prayed that it would bring God glory to do this. We were narrowing in on the day that a decision had to be made and I continued to pray that God would see it bring Him glory for my body to do what He designed it to do.
I had been contracting off and on for a couple of weeks. On Tuesday I noticed that they were much more frequent around 3:00, but they were no stronger than the ones I had been having for the past couple of weeks. I debated and debated but decided it was nothing to call about and went to bed around 11:00 to get a good nights sleep in my own bed before we had to decide what we should do. Praise the Lord I slept! What a beautiful thing. And I felt mostly rested when I got up in the morning and I was still having contractions. This was great! I was so excited and hoping I would be about 3cm dilated at my appointment since I had apparently been contracting all night. Rebekah came to watch the kids for my appointment and Jim and I left. On the way there the contractions started to change a little bit. Just a little bit stronger and needing a little more concentration. We checked in and they looked at me and asked if I was in labor. I said maybe but I wasn't sure. They got me back and I had to wait a few minutes for the doctor but while I was waiting the contractions felt a little stronger. Dr. Pridham came in and listened to the baby and checked my cervix. I was 6cm dilated! I was rejoicing that the Lord had given me the desire of my heart and had put my body into labor as He had designed it to do! He told me to go to check out to get a copy of my chart and head over to labor and delivery.  I had intentionally not taken my bags because I really was not expecting to be that far along and was going to go home to labor for a bit. So I called Rebekah and her mother came to watch the kids. Rebekah got all of our stuff together and took care of things at the apartment arranging childcare for the rest of the day. (A big shout out here to Rebekah, Ruth, Greg and Dawn and Nathan and Sarah! Our church body really came through for us that day on short notice. We are so blessed to be part of such a wonderful Body of Christ.)

And so my time in the hospital began. They knew I wanted a natural delivery and they completely respected that and worked with me. I had a wonderful nurse, Debbie, who loved that I had been an L&D nurse. She put me on the monitor to check the baby and gave me a saline lock. (I swear that is the WORST part of giving birth. I am still bruised from that.) Since I was going natural they allowed me to walk and drink water. I even got to have a Popsicle! The nurses at the station heard I had been an L&D nurse and talked to me about it. It was really neat for them to be excited about that and they were super nice to me. I walked for a while, spent a little time on the monitor and walked some more. I walked until I really could not stand through my contractions any more. I went back to my room and struggled through positioning as the contractions continued to grow in strength. Transition came on strong (I will add my water was still intact). It became difficult not to push but God gave me the strength to resist and hold off until my water did break. It was perfect timing, God's timing. I had a very strong contraction that broke my water. At that moment my doctor was walking by my room from a C-section and came in. I have never screamed in labor before but that day I did. All I could say was "God help me!" My wonderful husband whispered in my ear "He will." And He did. It was time to push and about 10 minutes later Reuben was born! God gave me the strength to endure and gave us a son to care for for Him. What a wonder! What a blessing! Birth is so amazing and God is so amazing.
I will admit that this was my most challenging labor. With the inductions they were so fast it was almost as if I had no time to feel anything. This one was longer, but it was in God's timing and gradual. Reuben tolerated it so well and we both did wonderfully. I also did not feel as tired afterward. Reuben fed within an hour of birth with no problem. They did not even give me pitocin after the birth and I had no complications. God is so good!

What a blessed time this was. Thanks be to God the giver of life and all good things! Thank you to all those who prayed for us during this time and those who stepped up to help us in various ways. We have been blessed beyond measure. I still marvel at all this. Why has God chosen to bless us so? Thank You, Lord for all of these undeserved blessings!

Baby Due

Today is suppose to be the day. The due date is quite potentially one of the things that is the most frustrating with pregnancy since it's only a guess. I almost wish they wouldn't give you a date but like a two week span of the baby should come during this time. I know it's for their own comfort and making sure that everyone is healthy, but knowing that due dates are so subjective it would be nice if they would just give you a range instead of a date.

I do wonder what they did back in the day. How did they calculate when there babies would come? They really had to rely on God to bring their babies when it was the right time.

And so I continue to wait and pray for God to give me His patience and strength.

God's Glory

This is suppose to be the most important thing in the world, especially to those of us who call ourselves believers. So why is it that we so easily forget this? I hate being human! But I am so grateful for the grace our Lord gives us through Christ Jesus so that we can be reminded of this truth and live for God's glory. This concept is one that has really been hitting me this past week. As I wait for the delivery of my child I have been reminded that everything we do should be for God's glory and everything God does is for His glory. My desire is to go into labor on my own, but I have had to completely relinquish this desire once again and say "Lord, whatever will bring you the most glory, let it be done." Before with birth I did not think of it this way, but this time God has turned my heart toward Him. I have been so thankful that the past couple of weeks God has been drawing me closer to Himself and I am learning to rest fully in Him. We are studying God's grace at church and it is overwhelming me right now. How is it that God would love me and offer me grace when I am so undeserving? How is it that God blesses me, when I deserve nothing more than curses? Because His grace covers me and I am covered by the blood of the Lamb.