Because He Loves Me by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

This months book club book was wonderful and spoke right to my heart. A couple of weeks ago I came to the realization I did not love God enough, but was (and still am) struggling to understand how to love God as I should. What does that really mean? What does it look like?

Then this book was recommended for book club. I had been wanting to read some of her material anyway (I'm in the middle of her parenting book) so I was excited to see what it had so say. The title says it all: Because He (Jesus) Loves Me. Without the love of Christ, we cannot truly know love nor can we express it. I can only love God because He loved me first. What a relief!

Because I am in Christ, this is my identity and I have to remember this every day. Unfortunately this human mind forgets. She calls this identity amnesia. When we forget who we are in Christ it becomes difficult to fight sin, love God and love others. I have grown up in the message of the Gospel and it has become a bit mundane, but it shouldn't. The Gospel is all we have! Without it there is no hope. As I listened to her expound on how much God loves me that He crushed His Son and poured out the wrath I deserved onto Him, I realized how much I need to remember this every day and how it should change me. I need to hear this over and over. We all do. 

I need to go back and re-read this book when I am feeling better and can take my time, but I am thankful for a book dedicated to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is a breath of fresh air. I highly recommend this book to anyone.

Thanksgiving

During the month of November I have seen many people on Facebook saying one thing they are thankful for a day. Instead of doing that I am doing one post with 30 things I am thankful for (one for everyday in November and 30 is a nice round number). So here goes:

1. First of all I am thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! Without Him I would have nothing to live for and nothing to give because He has given me everything! Thank You, Jesus, for the cross!
2. Next is my wonderful husband Jim. God has blessed me beyond measure with him as he is constantly strives to learn what God wants him to do and to be the best husband and father he can be.
3. My eldest son, Jamey, who is now 2 1/2 and learning so much. Not only is he learning, God is teaching me so much about myself and His love for me as we train him in the ways of the Lord. He brings so much joy.
4. My only daughter, Lillian Josephine, is now 18 months and is finally starting to walk. She is so full of life and brings so many smiles to our home. She is teaching me how lacking I am in my abilities to care for her perfectly, but I have a perfect heavenly Father who is capable of teaching all of His children perfectly.
5. My youngest son, Reuben, is 2 1/2 months and is so sweet. He is starting to light up when he sees my face or Jim or his siblings. God has used him to teach me how to let God guide my life and priorities as having 3 under 3 was not my idea, but exactly what God knew I needed to teach me. Children are truly blessings from the Lord and there are so many things that children can teach us if we allow God to use them.
6. I'm thankful for my family. I was blessed to be raised in a Christian home and have a family who are believers. They have also supported Jim and I as we journey through seminary and onto where ever God would lead us next.
7. I'm thankful for FBC Smyrna, our home church, who is filled with brothers and sisters in Christ who are also supporting our family as we journey down the road on which God is leading us.
8. I'm thankful for Sojourn Community Church, our church body in Louisville, who is filled with brothers and sisters in Christ who are helping us learn and grow in this current phase of our journey.
9. There are so many people who are struggling right now, especially with the job market being down, so I am thankful that Jim has a job. And not only that he has a job but a job who has worked with him and his school schedule, has great benefits and is stable.
10. I'm thankful for SWI (Seminary Wives Institute) that gives me a small taste of seminary training as well as practical ministry training to aid in my learning.
11. So many are without and I am thankful that I have a place to live and food to eat as well as the means to have these things.
12. I'm thankful for cameras, which are a luxury, that I can capture sweet moments with family and friends.
13. I am very thankful for the friends I have made here in Louisville who challenge me and love me even when I am unlovable.
14. This week I am so thankful that our family was able to drive to Asheville so see family, especially my Pappy, who may not be in this world much longer.
15. Another luxury I am thankful for is a computer that allows me to keep in touch with friends and family who are not near by.
16. I am so grateful for all of the resources out there to help me learn, most recently with homeschooling.
17. There is so much I do not know and I am thankful for those smarter than me.
18. This should have been higher, but I am thankful for the Bible, God's Holy Word that leads, guides, directs, and cuts deeper than a double edge sword.
19. I am thankful for books! I wish I could read and read and read, but that is not what I am able to do now, but I love to read when I can.
20. I'm thankful for writing. I love to write and I would like to do more, but for now I will write when I can.
21. Yet another luxury I am thankful for is a car. Well, I should say a van that can carry my family and our stuff so that we can get where we need to go in a timely manner.
22. ICE CREAM!!!!! Yes, I love ice cream and I'm so thankful that this yummy food exists.
23. I'm so thankful for Air Conditioners and Heaters. Something I often take for granted, but so many die from freezing or over heating and I'm thankful that we have a way to help us stay warm or cool as needed.
24. I'm thankful for music, especially music that leads me back to worshiping my great God.
25. I'm thankful for clothes and shoes.
26. I'm thankful for parks, trees, grass and the beauty of God's creation that is all around me.
27. I'm thankful for airplanes so that we can go into all the world more easily.
28. I do love movies and TV shows, so I am thankful for media, though sometimes I believe I would be better off with out it.  :)
29. I am thankful for clean water. So many do not have clean water and I am blessed to have access to clean, drinkable water.
30. I am extremely thankful to live in a country that is free, so that I can live my life according to God's plan for me, even if others do not approve.
I wish I could list all of the people I am thankful for, but it would go on forever and I would inevitably forget someone. There are so many people I am thankful for and most likely if you are reading this, you are one of them. :)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! And do not forget to thank the One from whom all blessings flow.

Saying Good-Bye?

You always know the call will come. About 3 weeks ago it did. "Pappy has cancer." Not at all surprising for a man who smoked well over half his life. The next week we found out how severe: stage 4 in his lungs, liver, stomach and esophagus. Even with treatment (radiation only since he is not physically strong enough to do chemo too) the prognosis is not good with an estimate of 4-6 months to live with radiation being palliative. Originally we had planned not to travel the week of Thanksgiving, but with this news and Jim's work schedule we decided to head to Asheville, NC for a couple of days at the beginning of this week. It was a long trek down the mountain for a 48 hour visit, but it was so worth it. And of course with this visit it makes me wonder, did I just say good-bye for the rest of this life?
What's worse, for me, is I allowed the situations around me and my fear to keep my from asking him about whether or not he has a relationship with Christ. I tried to look for the opportunity instead of making one. Something this important cannot be left to the right set of circumstances, but so much of the time that is what I do. In Christ we should not have a spirit of fear, yet fear so often dominates and Satan loves it. I hate giving him the satisfaction. So now I am really wondering, did I blow my last opportunity to share Christ with him? I pray that he really is saved, and when I have prayed about it I have had peace and I hope that peace is from the Holy Spirit and not just wishful thinking.

I love my Pap so much and I pray that he loves Jesus and will be in God's kingdom when this life ends. I know that God will do whatever will bring Him glory.









Pap meeting Lillian and Reuben and the first time seeing Jamey in two years! Two years is far too long.

Busy Life

I honestly do not know where to begin as I have gotten so far behind. Having three children is quite a new adventure. I love it, but some days I'm not sure how to do it all. My biggest struggle is time management. There are so many things I need to do as well as other things I want to do. Prioritizing is different and I feel like I'm starting to get it a little bit. God is teaching me so much and I want to write down everything, but I don't have time. School is going well with Jamey and Lillian is getting interested in letters and reading now. Reuben listens in as we do school and seems to be stimulated by it. It's amazing how alike and different our kids are. Even as a baby I see similarities to the other two as well as stark differences. The other struggle is getting fatigued and when you have a few moments with all the kids asleep you cannot remember what all you wanted to write. Thus is life, but I love it. I would not have it any other way. God has blessed us so much, though we do not deserve it at all, and I will take the fatigue to be able to love on my babies just one more day.

Book Club!

I have been desiring to be part of a Christian book club for quite a few years now, and one has started this past month through Southern! I am so excited about it. We had our first meeting to discuss Girls Gone Wise in a world gone wild by Mary Kassian. This book is so fitting for this day and age. Not only is it fitting for our time, it is fitting for all time and is for a woman of any age. Though the context is more directed at the younger generations, the principles are important for all women and girls. Mrs. Kassian looks at 20 points of contrast between a wild thing and a girl-gone-wise and every single one of them spoke to me on some level. Like with all material different points will hit different people differently, but every single point is pertinent to our daily lives. The high light is that we cannot be wise with out a relationship with Christ. And only He can take our wild days and forgive them through His blood. This book has opened my eyes to even more areas I need to repent of sin and let Christ guide me into how I need to live more like Him. I still have so far to go, but I am thankful for this saving grace that has reached into my soul and given me knew life.
I very highly recommend this book to ALL women of ALL ages and stages of life. It is scriptural and has verses of the Bible throughout to show God's wisdom that has been given to Mrs. Kassian and that will be given to us if we put our faith in the saving power of Christ's death and resurrection for us. I know I am in need of much more wisdom and I am quite sure you are too. So trust Christ and His Word to help you see that we need wisdom as women living in a wild age.

Family of Five

It has been a week since we welcomed God's gift of sweet Reuben into our family. How quickly a week has flown by! Thankfully, by God's grace, it has been a decently smooth transition. Most days I have felt pretty rested even getting up every 2 hours to feed. God is sustaining me.
Jamey and Lillian have been very sweet to Reuben. That is definitely by God's grace. We have had some very tender moments. Lillian has done much better with Reuben than Jamey ever did with Lillian. She loves to give Reuben kisses and say "I love you". Unfortunately she calls him Mama, which is a little confusing, but I know in time his name will come. Jamey, who hates to share, especially with Lillian, readily gives his toys to Reuben saying, "here Reuben". He wants to help change diapers and has asked to hold him a couple of times. Jamey has really stepped into the role of "big brother".
On the other side, they have been testing Jim and I. Whining is quite prevalent, boundary testing is abounding and demanding attention in weird ways are all around. I have so much to learn. I want to be consistent and have clear rules and boundaries. I want them to be God honoring, not just rules for the sake of rules. I do not want to be emotional and reactionary as can sometimes happen when you are not at your top game. By God's grace I am slowly learning these things and how to apply them to myself and to my family. I am so thankful that I have a God who is patient and gracious with me but will discipline me when I need to be corrected and is teaching me how to do the same with my children. Having another child has helped me in understanding more of these truths and realize even more there is no way I can do this on my own. As Jim pointed out our first day home, "They out number us now, you know". And so they do. But I would not have it any other way. Only by God's grace can two adults raise three children running in three different directions.
I am so thrilled and blessed to be a family of five. I am honored that God saw it fit to bless me with children at all, much less three. I know we have so much to learn and so much growing to do, and we will do it together as a family of five. Thanks be to God!

Reuben Yates

God has blessed us with another son! Reuben Yates Manor joined our family on September 7, 2011 at 4:34pm. He weighed in at 8 lbs 8 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He is beautiful!

God's hand was completely in this as He is in all births and I am excited to share how God showed His glory and favor to us. Both of my other children had to be induced for different reasons and I desired so much in my heart to go into labor unassisted medically. God designed birth and I knew that He could put my body into labor without medical assistance and I prayed so hard for this. Not only were Jim and I praying for this, many of our wonderful friends were praying the same thing for us. I prayed that it would bring God glory to do this. We were narrowing in on the day that a decision had to be made and I continued to pray that God would see it bring Him glory for my body to do what He designed it to do.
I had been contracting off and on for a couple of weeks. On Tuesday I noticed that they were much more frequent around 3:00, but they were no stronger than the ones I had been having for the past couple of weeks. I debated and debated but decided it was nothing to call about and went to bed around 11:00 to get a good nights sleep in my own bed before we had to decide what we should do. Praise the Lord I slept! What a beautiful thing. And I felt mostly rested when I got up in the morning and I was still having contractions. This was great! I was so excited and hoping I would be about 3cm dilated at my appointment since I had apparently been contracting all night. Rebekah came to watch the kids for my appointment and Jim and I left. On the way there the contractions started to change a little bit. Just a little bit stronger and needing a little more concentration. We checked in and they looked at me and asked if I was in labor. I said maybe but I wasn't sure. They got me back and I had to wait a few minutes for the doctor but while I was waiting the contractions felt a little stronger. Dr. Pridham came in and listened to the baby and checked my cervix. I was 6cm dilated! I was rejoicing that the Lord had given me the desire of my heart and had put my body into labor as He had designed it to do! He told me to go to check out to get a copy of my chart and head over to labor and delivery.  I had intentionally not taken my bags because I really was not expecting to be that far along and was going to go home to labor for a bit. So I called Rebekah and her mother came to watch the kids. Rebekah got all of our stuff together and took care of things at the apartment arranging childcare for the rest of the day. (A big shout out here to Rebekah, Ruth, Greg and Dawn and Nathan and Sarah! Our church body really came through for us that day on short notice. We are so blessed to be part of such a wonderful Body of Christ.)

And so my time in the hospital began. They knew I wanted a natural delivery and they completely respected that and worked with me. I had a wonderful nurse, Debbie, who loved that I had been an L&D nurse. She put me on the monitor to check the baby and gave me a saline lock. (I swear that is the WORST part of giving birth. I am still bruised from that.) Since I was going natural they allowed me to walk and drink water. I even got to have a Popsicle! The nurses at the station heard I had been an L&D nurse and talked to me about it. It was really neat for them to be excited about that and they were super nice to me. I walked for a while, spent a little time on the monitor and walked some more. I walked until I really could not stand through my contractions any more. I went back to my room and struggled through positioning as the contractions continued to grow in strength. Transition came on strong (I will add my water was still intact). It became difficult not to push but God gave me the strength to resist and hold off until my water did break. It was perfect timing, God's timing. I had a very strong contraction that broke my water. At that moment my doctor was walking by my room from a C-section and came in. I have never screamed in labor before but that day I did. All I could say was "God help me!" My wonderful husband whispered in my ear "He will." And He did. It was time to push and about 10 minutes later Reuben was born! God gave me the strength to endure and gave us a son to care for for Him. What a wonder! What a blessing! Birth is so amazing and God is so amazing.
I will admit that this was my most challenging labor. With the inductions they were so fast it was almost as if I had no time to feel anything. This one was longer, but it was in God's timing and gradual. Reuben tolerated it so well and we both did wonderfully. I also did not feel as tired afterward. Reuben fed within an hour of birth with no problem. They did not even give me pitocin after the birth and I had no complications. God is so good!

What a blessed time this was. Thanks be to God the giver of life and all good things! Thank you to all those who prayed for us during this time and those who stepped up to help us in various ways. We have been blessed beyond measure. I still marvel at all this. Why has God chosen to bless us so? Thank You, Lord for all of these undeserved blessings!