Gearing Up

Baby Manor is due in a month. This week I will begin intentional homeschooling with the kids. The whole apartment needs to be cleaned and organized. Things are really gearing up in our home. God is definitely teaching me much about His rest and sovereignty during this time. I am excited and overwhelmed all at the same time. I know this is the way God has led our family and I know that it will be a great and amazing time for us.

The biggest thing I am currently learning is to go to God first with everything. I know I have a tendency to lean on people, media or just simple entertainment to get me through tough or challenging times. This is not the freedom Christ died for. Christ died so we would be free to approach the throne room of Heaven and rest in the arms of Almighty God. I am learning this more and more every day. Now more than I believe ever before in my life I need that rest and comfort from the Lord. I need to remember that He has brought me to this place and that it is all worth it to bring glory to His mighty name.

Any sound advice would be appreciated during this time. But mostly I ask for prayers for our family as we continue to learn more about God's plans for us.

Battling Loneliness

I remember a time in my life where I could sit for hours entertaining myself with books, writing, listening to Adventures in Odyssey or music. I loved and cherished being alone and felt shy and awkward around people. As I got older that began to change and I have noticed that increasingly, especially the past 3 or 4 years, I have really battled the feeling of loneliness. Only recently have I stopped to evaluate this and I am still working through this with the Lord, but it seems as though I have started relying on people to be my connection to God, at times, instead of actually connecting with Him. I know He is there. I know He provides for me in so many ways that even others cannot see. But emotionally I struggle with that connection, with letting God be enough. I have never doubted His provision physically or financially but emotionally and spiritually I seem to fight with on a circular rotating basis. I know it comes back to my fallen nature of wanting to do things my way and to want what I want when I want it, but sometimes this reality is far from me. I am thankful that God is working so diligently to weed out this selfishness in me but it can be very painful at times.

Until this week I was in one of those places, very "Eeyore" if you will, of no body likes me, I guess I'll just be all alone. It's silly and ridiculous, but I was wallowing in self-pity. But knowing how ridiculous it was I never would have admitted it to anyone, not even my journal. Then Sunday we talked about God being our complete joy no matter what was happening or what we were feeling. God is our joy and only in Him can we have true joy. It hit me like a ton of bricks: Jesus has to be enough because He IS enough! And I must remind myself of this hourly. Jesus is enough for me. He is all I need. And the people He has put in my life are there to help point me to Him and living life for the glory of the Lord not to make me feel better.

This week God has blessed me in abundance in this area having wonderful mornings and great afternoons reflecting on His word and His goodness. The Lord is the great provider of ALL things. Put your hope in Him and He will never let you down.

Refuge

Adapted from “Psalm 31, Part I” by Isaac Watts

Written by Neil Robins

Unto
 your 
hands 
 O
God 
of 
truth,
 my 
spirit
 I 
commit

You
 have 
redeemed
 my 
soul 
from 
death
 and 
saved
 me 
from 
the 
pit.

The 
passions 
of 
my 
hope 
and 
fear 
maintain 
a 
doubtful 
strife

While 
sorrow,
 pain 
and 
sin
 conspire 
to 
take 
away 
my 
life

Chorus

I
 know 
my 
days 
are 
in 
Your 
hands 
though 
I 
draw 
near 
to 
dust

You 
are 
the 
God 
in 
whom 
I 
trust, 
You 
are 
my 
refuge.

So 
lift 
up 
your 
voice 
and 
sing 
aloud, 
and
 praise
 Him 
all 
you 
saints,

How 
wondrous 
is 
His 
grace, 
He 
is 
our 
refuge.

Make
 Your 
most 
beloved 
face 
to 
shine 
upon 
me 
now

And 
save 
me 
for 
Your 
mercy’s 
sake 
for 
I 
am 
lost 
without

While 
in 
my 
haste 
I’m 
quick 
to 
say
 “where 
is 
Your 
help 
for 
me?”

But 
You 
attend
 me
 when 
I 
pray 
and You 
have 
heard 
my 
plea.

Chorus

Reflections of a Year Gone By

A year ago today we loaded up our cars, Jamey and Lillian, my mom and dad, and Winston and Anna Murdock and took the 422 mile trek from our home in Smyrna, Georgia to our new home Louisville, Kentucky. It was a long day of driving, but we made it with all people's sanity in tact. Thinking about a year ago, Jamey was not quite a year and a half in a rear facing car seat trying to put words with things and just getting good on his feet. Lillian was barely two months old in an infant carrier, solely breastfeeding and sleeping most of the time. Jim and I had just celebrated 6 years of marriage and were ready to conquer the world. We could not wait to see what life held in store for us in this new place.

Right away we connected with some great people. Our RAs Dennis and Betsy greeted us warmly and told us where some places to eat and shop were. Saturday morning our downstairs neighbors Ali and Asmaa brought us a pizza and welcomed us to the community. This, has sparked a beautiful friendship. Mandy and her gang came by to bring muffins and welcome us to Louisville. We were, and still are, very grateful to know someone here as well as to have a church body to immediately plug into. Sojourn has been an experience and we are so thankful to have such a church that challenges us in many ways. We were also able to plug into a

community group right away with Wes and Beth, Paul and Sharon, Josh and Deirdre, and Chris and Amy. It was great connecting with local believers immediately. There were a few families that moved into the area around the same time as us, most with kids around our age. The Daughertys, the Linnemans, and the Powells to name a couple. It was crazy living around and going to a church with many children the same age as ours. It has been amazing watching our kids grow together.

Our Great Provider gave Jim a job not long after we moved here in the NICU at Norton Suburban 2 miles from our apartment. They have been great to him and worked with him on scheduling so that we can have time together as a family and be involved in church.

Jim has completed a year of seminary classes including: Systematic Theology I & II, Spiritual Disciplines, Cultural Anthropology, Cultural Communication and New Testament I. When we first started discussing seminary (5 years ago) I had planned to study as well. With 2 children that plan changed, but I have enjoyed learning what he is learning as he brings his knowledge home and shares it. It is all very fascinating and I am thankful to be a part of this great time of learning for him.

I have also learned a lot. A lot about God, a lot about the Bible, a lot about faith, a lot about being a wife, a mother and my calling as a homemaker. I have learned a lot about many other things as well and it would take me a lifetime to write them all. I have really begun to feel the strong urge to write again and I hope to take many of these things and put them into writing and if the Lord wills it, for some of it to be published, whether in fiction or non-fiction form. I will say that everyday is a struggle discovering what it is that God wants me to do and figuring out how I can best give Him glory. But everyday is also a learning opportunity and growing closer to the Lord.

And our kids. Jamey is now 2 years old, in a front facing car seat. He is talking in sentences, picking up words for so many things, talking about anything and everything. He now runs and jumps and climbs, tries to flip. He is such a big boy. Lillian is now 15 months and in a big girl car seat, though still rear facing. She eats everything now! She is starting to talk and says thank you, this, sometimes please, and uses baby signs for other things. She is a champion army crawler and starting to regularly pull up and try to take a few steps while holding hands or a walker. I cannot believe how much she has grown.

And after being here almost 6 months we found out we will be adding number 3 to our ever growing family near the end of August! God's timing in perfect, though sometime we don't understand it.

The most important thing I have learned in the past year is that we are exactly

where God wants us at this time and that is the greatest thing. I have heard Pastor Steve say many times "There is no safer place to be than in the center of God's will." There are good days and bad. Nothing is ever perfect. But even on the days I want to quit, I know that God has put me here for such a time as this. I can't wait to see what the next year holds for us.

Our family today.

All My Tears by Emmylou Harris

When I go don't cry for me
In my fathers arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole

Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my savior knows my name

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store
Come and drink and thirst no more

So weep not for me my friend
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to him
Who will raise the dead again

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

Have loved learning this one. Though it is really a reminder of what is to come, I may have it sung for my funeral (whenever that may be).

Grace Upon Grace by Sandra McCracken

In every station, new trials and new troubles
Call for more grace than I can afford
Where can I go but to my dear Savior
For mercy that pours from boundless stores.

CHORUS:
Grace upon grace, every sin repaired
Every void restored, you will find Him there
In every turning He will prepare you
With grace upon grace.

He made a way for the fallen to rise
Perfect in glory and sacrifice
In sweet communion my need He supplies
He saves and keeps and guards my life

To Thee I run now with great expectation
To honor You with trust like a child
My hopes and desires seek a new destination
and all that You ask Your grace will provide.

Princess Protection Program

Anybody who knows me knows I am not into the princess thing or anything really girly. Overall most of that stuff tends to really bother me for whatever reason. I am also not a huge fan of Disney. There are maybe a handful of movies that I love from them and that's about it. But this movie, Princess Protection Program, has really caught my attention, in spite of the fact that it is a Disney movie about princesses.

It is focused on a girl and her dad who protects princesses world wide through a secret organization. The father rescues a princess from an island country who is being threatened. The princess comes to live with his daughter and him and there it begins. The daughter hate princesses! Go figure right. It is also time to vote for homecoming queen at her school, which she hates even more. Threw events the daughter and the princess are both nominated for homecoming queen. During this time, the princess educates the girl on what it really means to be a princess. Now how realistic this is for true royalty, only God knows, but she teaches her about giving, turning the other cheek when wronged and that not everything is about pretty dresses and jewels.

This is what really impressed me as I think about raising a daughter. I pray that one day she will accept the salvation God gives us through Christ and become God's princess and those are qualities I pray that she will possess as His princess. Learning so much of this now it overwhelms me at times thinking about teaching Lillian how to be God's princess, but I know by God's grace we will both learn. I pray she will learn about giving of herself completely to the Lord. I pray she will learn turning the other cheek when she is wronged. I pray that she will know it's not about what she wears that makes her beautiful, but a heart that is full of the Love of God, that is generous, gracious and merciful that makes her beautiful. I pray that I too will remember these things and model them for her as I continue to learn.

In Christ we are royalty. Are you reflecting the kingdom of God?

Homeschooling

I have always wanted to be married and to have kids. I have also never thought of myself as a teacher, not naturally anyway. So, when I was dreaming as a child about my family and the future, homeschooling was never on my radar. It is interesting and amazing how God shows you things and begins to change your heart and mind, especially in the plan He has for you, of which you were previously unaware. As I watch my kids grow and learn I am amazed at how much and what they are learning by me taking advantage of teachable moments and playing with them. I get so excited when they learn a new word or sign or start putting concepts together. It warms my heart and soul and I do not want to miss any of it.

As this is becoming my heart, I have begun the quest for materials and ideas as well as learning what my kids should know at their age and stage. Obviously we teach whenever we can no matter if it is "over their heads" or not, but what should I be intentionally teaching and working on with them on a regular basis. Might I say there is a LOT of information out there. Thankfully I have only found 2 programs geared toward my age children and one has free material online, that makes that easy! :) But I am looking at long term curriculum as well as I stumble across things and people make suggestions and it is very exciting to see the material out there. I do not know exactly how I want to approach everything, so learning about different curriculum and what they have to offer is great!

And with number 3 on the way I'm hoping to start doing a more "formal" setting for Jamey starting in August to get an idea before the baby comes of how I want to start and where I need to go from here. I obviously have a lot to learn and would value any input on the subject as well as curriculum people have used and liked/disliked and why. There is so much that I am praying against feeling overwhelmed as I know this is where God is leading me right now. Currently I am very excited about the prospect and what will come of it.

I Love My Kids!!!!!

So many things are running through my mind, but right now I want to talk about my kids! I wrote a while back about sanctification through children and behold it continues. Everyday I am pushed, pulled, stretched and molded by the things my kids do, both the good and the bad.

Jamey is in the full swing of being a two-year-old! Tantrums, unprovoked whining, challenging our parental authority. Learning how to discipline appropriately is so difficult! I pray a lot! and think about ways God disciplines us to shape us into His image. Different things work for different offenses but being wise about what to use when and what things can "slide" is so tricky. I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit and that ultimately God is in control. God has given me a great responsibility for training my kids in His ways, but the work of God in their lives is even more important.

And on evenings like this I see that even with all the disobedience and feelings of scorn I get from Jamey at times, I remember that it is all worth it. The diapers finished in the dryer and I was looking for the laundry basket to take them out and fold them. I asked Jamey if he knew where it was but we realized it was in Lillian's room where she was napping. About an hour later she woke up and I went to change her diaper and get her up. While I was doing this Jamey took the laundry basket, went to the dryer, took the diapers and wipes out, put them in the basket and took them to the living room where I fold them! I did not realize until I took Lillian in the living room and when I saw this I was so pleasantly surprised and praised him greatly. I did not ask him to do this! He apparently remembered I was looking for the basket to get the laundry and took the initiative! How amazing! It's those moments that make my heart sing and realize something is getting into their minds about being helpful and putting others before self.

On the down side, teaching this principle is sometimes painful for all of us, especially Lillian. Most of the time when we are teaching kindness and putting others first it's because he has stolen a toy from her, pushed her over, hit her, tried to be her parent or in some other way hurt his sister. The joys of siblings. :) But I love that I am able to teach them this together. Thankfully Lillian is very resilient and loves her big brother even when he has hurt her. This too is a great example for me. It's a reminder of how we are to love God no matter what we are going through and not blame Him but take it all to Him. He is the only One who fully understands. (not an exact parallel but still makes me think of this.)

Lillian is finally starting to understand No and obey! This I love. I remember when Jamey was like that. She's in the pleasing stage where she wants us to cheer and be happy with her. She is also a great eater! And FINALLY starting to pull up and try to walk a little bit! This is so exciting. It's amazing watching her learn. She's picking up on so much and starting to try and talk a little bit. She definitely has clear signs. She loves to sing and clap and sometimes she will dance too. She smiles at almost everyone and loves to give hugs and cuddle. She is such a sweet little girl.

Jamey's vocabulary has grown and it always amazes me what he picks up on. My recent favorite was driving by Red Lobster (he's been there maybe 5 times) and he points to it saying, "You see fish in there." I was blown away! The last time we ate there you could see 2 fish hanging on the wall. And today when he had pushed Lillian I was talking to him about kindness and I asked him if he knew what he did. He said, "I pushed Lillian in there." I almost lost it from shock that he said that. He has never vocalized what he's done when asked. He usually looks around like "I don't know." He is learning more specialized animals. With his new obsession with dinosaurs I love hearing him say T-rex, triceratops and pterodactyls. And his favorite phrase, "what happened?" anytime something happens at all. It is so innocent and precious. He loves whatever explanation we give. He is so smart and says so much. I love talking to him. And I love his curious mind.

I do not know why God decided to bless me with children. He knows I do not deserve these precious ones, but has given them to me anyway and has decided I am to have a third! How wonderful and honor! I am thankful He is using them and all around me to teach and grow me. There are so many other ways to teach and guide, but there is nothing like children to teach us and we teach and guide them.