Praying or Worrying

I was sharing with a friend how I've struggled to pray as much as I would like. I love to pray! But lately life has been hard and chaotic with a large family and another baby on the way. Most days my prayers have been "Help Me" or telling God what I think or what I want. Lately I've been convicted that this is not what I want nor is it how it should be. It's been all one sided. I have failed to listen.

My friend in her wisdom asked, "So are you really praying or are you worrying in prayer form?"

That was it! Instead of really praying for God's will to be done, I was telling God what I thought and then making my decisions based on my own logic, knowledge, merit and then fretting about the outcome. I was taking everything on myself and not letting God be God. As a result I was hostile, anxious, angry and easily upset. I was allowing others views to affect mine as well as my view of myself instead of letting God be my determining factor. Life was miserable for all of us!

During my drive that day I took a step back and listened. God absolutely spoke to me that day and He is continuing to speak to me as I take a moment to listen. With all the chaos it's not always easy to listen, but I'm learning that when I begin to feel that stress of life and am overwhelmed that I need to take a moment and just listen.

God will speak to you if you will just listen. Whether through Scripture, a friend, a song or that still small voice, when you seek Him, He can be found. Sometimes it's not immediate and we must be patient, but He will speak.

So how about you? Are you really praying and making it a conversation, listening to the voice of God? Or are you just worrying under the guise of prayer not really seeking to hear from God at all? I pray we will all grow in listening together!

The Light at Tern Rock

This book is part of our Core A curriculum through Sonlight. This book was nice and short but held a powerful message. It is a good look at forgiveness and seeing the best in situations, especially ones that are inconvenient and we were not expecting. I really enjoyed the relationship between Ronnie and Aunt Marthy. It was also good to see how important hard work is and how what we do can help or hurt others. As a whole I enjoyed this book. I can't say I loved it, but I'm not dreading reading it to my next group who do Core A in a couple of years.

4 stars for this book!

Our 12th Anniversary

Today it's been 12 years since Jim and I said "I Do". It's funny to look back and think how everything was going to be. Nursing school, family, maybe some traveling and overall a life of harmony and happiness.

And then real life hits. Nursing school is Hard! Family is Hard! We did some traveling before kids, which was incredible and led us to pursuing God's call in missions. That is also Hard!

But even in the hard, difficult and earth shattering moments, God, our Perfect and Holy God, has been faithful to us. He has been faithful to see us through school. He has been faithful to bring 6 (soon 7) babies into this world. He has been faithful to bring us to Louisville. He has been faithful to teach us, love us and discipline us. He has been faithful to remind us that marriage is not about a life of harmony and happiness, though it is a HUGE blessing when those things are present, but it is about becoming more like Jesus as we pursue Him together in all aspects of our life.

In the past 12 years we have done a few things we thought we would do from the beginning. But there are many others that God has brought us through during this time. He has taught us to love more, to wrestle, to not take good enough and to strive for more in Him.

By God's grace there is more harmony and happiness in our home than ever before. By God's grace we are learning what it means to do life together, even though we don't do it well all the time. By God's grace we are learning to parent and teach our children the ways of the Lord. By God's grace we are truly becoming friends and partners. By God's grace we are learning to communicate so that we can do more together and be effective.

These 12 years have been good and hard. But I'm so blessed to be in this marriage that God is using for His Kingdom and our good.

I love you, Jim and the life God is building in us. May we have many more years together both good and hard.

May Blessings

May has been full of blessings from our wonderful God! Here is a sample of them.

1. Good sermon on work
2. Restful afternoon
3. Being together as a family
4. God's great mercy
5. New month
6. Jim having extended time with God
7. Lillian turning 6!
8. Fun family day
9. Not being on the computer or having the TV on for 2 days!
10. Learning to let go
11. Meeting another Mom of Many
12. Good productivity and fun together
13. Productive day
14. Cleaning up some of the bathroom
15. Becca hanging up the shelf
16. Norwex site up again
17. Being home all day
18. Good time at CG
19. Field trip attempt
20. Seeing friends
21. Jim finishing his spring class!
22. Long date evening
23. Pistachio gelato at Sweet Frog
24. Discount
25. Time with the Felix family
26. Pizza, apples and cookies
27. Friends in Jesus
28. Finishing the school week strong
29. Cleaning and some organizing
30. Teaching
31. Jericho Prayer
32. Dunkin Donuts
33. Grocery shopping by myself and not over spending
34. Testing the Car Wash Mitt (It's Great!)
35. Great sermon on who God is vs who we are
36. Writing blog posts
37. Being disciplined with the computer
38. Pictures
39. Cleaning and organizing the whole kitchen
40. Visit from the Vander Weerts
41. Encouragement
42. Sam praying
43. Switching beds around
44. Talking to Becca
45. Learning more about how Jesus feels
46. Reading 2 chapters
47. Gabriel growing in prayer
48. Meeting the Gunns
49. Cleaning our room
50. Chick-fil-A
51. Good inexpensive coffee
52. More in depth prayer
53. Time to work
54. Growing in fearlessness
55. Jamey working hard
56. Kids growing in prayer
57. Cheap Taco Bell
58. Good doctors appointments
59. Celebrating Gage's 1st birthday
60. Meeting new people
61. Great sermon on prayer
62. Washing my hair
63. God tangibly answering prayer as yes right away
64. Finishing "Large Family Logistics"
65. Lot's of baking
66. Time with the Browns
67. Book Club
68. Time to talk with Meagan
69. Hearing other's stories and evidences of grace
70. Good uneventful drive to GA
71. Getting package before leaving town
72. Seeing people at FBC Smyrna
73. Hanging out with Daddy and Brit
74. Jim having breakfast with Jeff
75. Doing announcements with Mom at school
76. Seeing Emily
77. Seeing how far God has brought us
78. Lunch with Julie
79. Seeing Brendon and Kyle
80. Spending the morning with the Murdocks
81. Cooking out with the family
82. Cousins playing together
83. Seeing Jacob and Rachel
84. Joint SS and Worship at FBC Smyrna
85. Seeing many friends
86. Safe drive to FL
87. Playgrounds
88. Jim's mom welcoming us
89. Good first meeting for the kids
90. Kids doing well at the beach their first time
91. God protecting our family
92. Time with Laura and Jon
93. Taking pictures on the beach
94. Taking a nap
95. God giving me a clear mind
96. Britney having a great Norwex Party
97. Celebrating Jim's birthday
98. Great discussion in Sunday School
99. Great sermon on dealing with hard times
100. Getting on the road early
101. Getting mostly unpacked
102. Being told I was smart for having my kids close together
103. Kids sleeping later than they have been
104. Time with Jim
105. Lillian's music recital

May Evaluation

Spiritual

• Spend at least 10 minutes praying daily- God has definitely grown my prayer time this month, some days have more prayer time than others, but every moment praying is a blessing
• Spend at least 10 minutes reading and reflecting on the Bible daily- Most days this happened
• Memorize verses with the kids - working on this during school time
• Have extended prayer times 4 times during the year- Jim has had 2 and I have had 1
• Read Christian books (Jim- 1 (not school related), Emmie- 3)- Finished "Large Family Logistics" 

Marriage

• Pray together daily- YES! 
• Go out for a date once a week- Sadly No
• Go on a night away once this year- Working on the logistics for this in a couple of weeks
• Read 3 books together this year (read one day a week)- No
• Discuss plan weekly on Saturday afternoon- No

Kids

• Spend 15 minutes of one on one time with each child every week- I think this has been averaged as a whole
• Special Outing Alone twice during the year with each child- No outings done this month
• Family fun activity once a month- We went out of town and had some fun family time at the beach
• Write in individual journals at least 3 times this year- No writing this month
• Finish Jamey's 1st year Scrapbook- No work was done on this

Homemaking

• Keep up with cleaning schedule- Did cleaning before heading out of town, but not schedule
• Keep up with my calendar- Getting better
• Being fully present when with my family- I was given a lot of grace to be more present than I have been
• Try 12 new recipes this year- (7) Made double chocolate zucchini bread and avocanana bread
• No TV 2 days a week (watching)- With traveling it's been back and forth, but I think we averaged this
• Begin gardening in the spring- Still nothing yet. 

Ministry

• Continue sending out Prayer List- Yes

Personal

• Read a book a month for myself- I finished "Large Family Logisitics" 
• Jim read one fiction book- Finally started a fiction book while on our trip!
• Journal 5 days a week- Yes! God is gracious
• Jim Journal 3 days a week- While at home, yes
• Edit novel to prepare for publishing- No work on this
• Book Club once a month- Yes! Love these Sisters
• Continue to meet once a month with writing group- Not this month
• Blog 1-2 days a week- Yes! God has been gracious in this

Health

• Mild Exercise twice a week- Not really, a little here and there, but not much
• Maintain weight until birth- Definitely gained this month
• Lose weight after giving birth- 

When you travel for half a month it tends to go by quickly. Travel also plays a little with the goals. Even in all of that God has been very gracious to help us with praying, reading the Word and trusting Him with our lives. This month involved a lot of traveling and seeing family and many other goals that were not specifically stated for the year and that is good! We have learned so much during this month and grown in faith and seeing the blessing of following God in faith. That is what's important. God continues to grow us and our faith. God is so good.

How was your May?

Maybe I Don't Hate The Beach

We just returned from a few days of visiting Jim's mom and brother at the beach. It was such a good trip! I've always hated the beach, but after this visit, I don't hate it as much as I used to. In fact this time around I mostly enjoyed it (except for sunscreen and sand residue).

I sat on the shore holding Nehemiah and watching the others play in the sand and ocean. I looked out into the vastness of God's creation and for the first time in years I felt a calm and a peace that I haven't felt in years! The song "Oceans" by Hillsong came into my mind. I love this song and looking out at the endless sea the metaphor of that song overtook me. I have lived in those moments of life when the depths of life have overwhelmed me and all I had was my Savior, Jesus, to pull me out of those depths. I was ready to swim it, to go into the ocean where my feet could not touch and feel the depth of God's love for me and the power of His hand in a different sense. At that moment I could have done anything because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my God was with me.

And God is still with me, even though life is not in that moment where the water is swirling over my head and I'm waiting for Him to pull me out. But how easy it is to forget. I hope in those moments when I allow the sea around me to overtake my thoughts that I will remember that moment of calm when I felt completely at peace. My Prince of Peace, I need you to fill me!

I have enjoyed the beauty of the beach before, but this time was different. I would still prefer the mountains to the beach for just a vacation, but now I would like to go back to the beach more frequently than I have to be reminded once again of the beauty and grace that comes when we allow God to take us into the deep waters of life where we are reminded all we have is Him and He is enough.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM! (Year 33)

Today Jim is 33! It's been a crazy and busy year in our home. It's been such a joy to see Jim grow as a husband and father this year as it's also another year growing in the Lord. Jim has been working hard on day shift for a year now and learning how to balance work and family on a "regular" schedule as well as taking classes to finish his M.Div. It's been a great year of learning for all of us and God has been so gracious in giving us exactly what we need to grow together in Him and to grow Jim as the God-given leader of our family. God has so blessed our family with Jim!

As our family grows Jim is stepping up in leadership and help. I'm so thankful for the man God is growing Jim into. As he learns he teaches us, especially the kids. He loves to play and wrestle with the kids and wants them to know the love of Jesus. What more could you ask for in a dad!

This year was special as just before Jim's birthday we were able to visit Jim's mom. What a special birthday gift for Jim this year! God continues to bless and give.

Thank You, Father, for Jim and how you have blessed him and blessed our family with him. Please continue to grow him in the image and likeness of Jesus. Thank You for giving him a humble and teachable spirit. Thank You for Your continual grace. Please continue to give!