Anger

This Sunday, we talked about Anger at church in our Emotion and Devotion series. It was so good! Pastor Daniel shared that so often we don't know what to do with anger, we either stuff it down or we explode, and boy is he right. We forget that God gets angry, and it is a God given emotion. It's learning how to handle it that is tricky since often our anger stems from things not happening the way we think it should. He also said that anger is a fruit of love, not the opposite, which again is good to remember. God gets angry when His people break His law because He loves us and wants our best. As humans that's not always the case with our anger, but many times it is. Anger comes from something not living up to the ideal.

So how do we steward our anger?

Psalm 73:

Surely God is good to Israel,

To those who are pure in heart!

2 

But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling,

My steps [a]had almost slipped.

3 

For I was envious of the [b]arrogant

As I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 

For there are no pains in their death,

And their [c]body is fat.

5 

They are not [d]in trouble as other [e]men,

Nor are they plagued [f]like mankind.

6 

Therefore pride is their necklace;

The garment of violence covers them.

7 

Their eye [g]bulges from fatness;

The imaginations of their heart [h]run riot.

8 

They mock and [i]wickedly speak of oppression;

They speak from on high.

9 

They have set their mouth [j]against the heavens,

And their tongue [k]parades through the earth.

10 

Therefore [l]his people return to this place,

And waters of abundance are [m]drunk by them.

11 

They say, “How does God know?

And is there knowledge [n]with the Most High?”

12 

Behold, these are the wicked;

And always at ease, they have increased in wealth.

13 

Surely in vain I have [o]kept my heart pure

And washed my hands in innocence;

14 

For I have been stricken all day long

And [p]chastened every morning.

15 

If I had said, “I will speak thus,”

Behold, I would have betrayed the generation of Your children.

16 

When I pondered to understand this,

It was [q]troublesome in my sight

17 

Until I came into the [r]sanctuary of God;

Then I perceived their end.

18 

Surely You set them in slippery places;

You cast them down to [s]destruction.

19 

How they are [t]destroyed in a moment!

They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors!

20 

Like a dream when one awakes,

O Lord, when aroused, You will despise their [u]form.

21 

When my heart was embittered

And I was pierced [v]within,

22 

Then I was senseless and ignorant;

I was like [w]a beast [x]before You.

23 

Nevertheless I am continually with You;

You have taken hold of my right hand.

24 

With Your counsel You will guide me,

And afterward receive me [y]to glory.

25 

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And [z]besides You, I desire nothing on earth.

26 

My flesh and my heart may fail,

But God is the [aa]strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27 

For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;

You have [ab]destroyed all those who [ac]are unfaithful to You.

28 

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;

I have made the Lord [ad]God my refuge,

That I may tell of all Your works.

Raw Pain: Admit Your Anger (v 1-16)
We want to know why good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Evil is mysterious and often does not make sense. We need to take these Questions before God and ask for help. Pour out everything in your heart in your raw, unprocessed pain. God is the One who can help us work through it. It is often pride and fear that keep us from expressing our anger. Anger shows our desires and helps us in knowing our passions. It is good to be angry at injustice, crime, pain, etc.

Who has betrayed you? Who has hurt you?  Tell God about it and let Him work through it with you.

Reflective Pause: Break It Down (v 15-17)
What is going on beneath the surface when you get angry? Some argue that anger is a secondary emotion and really we are sad, hurt, etc. Whether primary or secondary, we need God's grace to break down the anger that we are experiencing. We also need to see the implications of our anger. Take time to consider your responsibility as a believer if you simply respond in anger, instead of taking a time out to bring it before God. Everybody has power, and if we simply react that power can have lasting negative effects. Pastor Daniel suggested, "Write it out, don't fight it out", which resonated with me as I frequently write out my feelings to God. But I can also fight it out, which has had great damage at times. Weigh what you say. We never move beyond talking it out with God (and if you're married, your spouse) and we need to do this first and foremost when we are angry. Teach yourself short sentence prayers to ground yourself in those moments.

Real Praise: Conform Your Anger (v 17-28)
We need to conform our anger to the character of God. He is just. He is our ideal. He is what we long for. Wickedness is delusional and promises things that are not real. It is outside of reality. Choose to live in reality, which is always better, because reality is where God is. Our anger is a call to communion with God, through Jesus, who did this perfectly. Jesus got angry and did not sin.

Passive Anger: Apathy, Avoidance, Defeatism, Manipulation, Resentment
Aggressive Anger: Blow up, Destructiveness, Unpredictability, Vengeance, Abandonment

How do you deal with anger? Do you push it down? Do you blow up?

Lillian is 5!

Today our precious only girl is 5 years old. It's hard to believe that this little 6 pound baby is now a little girl. Lillian has grown and flourished so much in the past year. She is still really discovering what she likes, since she tends to follow her big brother around and do what he is doing, but she will definitely tell you she likes to sing and dance. She is also beginning to enjoy coloring, reading and building.

In her preschool program at home, Lillian has learned so much this year. She is beginning to read, her fine motor skill have greatly improved and she is starting to make basic connections. She loves to memorize Scripture and her favorite is excellent wife. It is nice being able to explain some of the concepts in the passage to her as I grow in homemaking. Lillian is growing in her love of cooking. She likes to be right next to whoever is in the kitchen making things. I pray she learns to cook so she will be ahead of me if and when she gets married.

Lillian has the most fun personality and her daddy's quirky sense of humor. She loves to laugh and often laughs at the strangest things. With all of her brothers she is rough and tumble, but still all girl. Her favorite things to wear are her skirts and she loves to have her hair brushes and toenails painted. But if the boys are having a "dog pile" she is right there in the middle of it. Lillian is very sensitive and emotional, which can make it interesting at times.

With so many little brothers, Lillian is a little mama in the making. She often wants to do my job and tell them what to do, even her older brother. I pray that I can train her well, though I fail quite miserably at my job on a daily basis. By God's grace she will be a better mama than me. Lillian likes practicing with her baby dolls by holding them, dressing them and tucking them into bed. Occasionally she will do this with her stuffed animals as well. I pray this will continue as she gets older.

Lillian loves to be with her family, especially her mama. I really don't know why as I struggle so much to give her the female attention she needs. With all the boys, she needs extra attention from me, and it is so challenging to do this. I need so much grace with her as she can easily demand attention to the point where I want to scream, but I know she is my daughter that God has given me to love and raise, and by His grace I will be the mother she needs. I'm so thankful she wants to be around me, and I pray she will always want to be close to me in heart.

Though often very sweet, Lillian is still a sinner in need of God's grace of salvation, Father I pray that You will save Lillian by Your great grace. Open her heart to Your great truth, to true knowledge of who You are. Let her see she is a sinner, that only needs You. Show her You are there for her at all times even when I cannot be right where she wants me when she wants me. You are the greatest gift she can have. Reveal Yourself to her, Father God, by the power of Your Holy Spirit. Thank You for the precious gift of Lillian to our family. Keep her until she believes.

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY LILLIAN!!!!!

April Evaluation

Due to circumstances this past year, I'm not really changing my goals. Some will go that are not top priority, but I'm keeping the ones that fit with the overarching goal of having a God-centered life and the things I see Him leading me to right now. So thus far this is how it goes:

Spiritual

• Spend at least 10 minutes praying daily- Yes, I'm working more directed prayer into my day
• Spend at least 10 minutes reading and reflecting on the Bible daily- Yes! 
• Memorize verses with the kids - Not doing real well with this right now, a little hear and there
• Memorize Scripture- Not much

Marriage

• Go out for a date once a week- Yes
• Go on a night away once this year- Need to plan this
• Read 3 books together this year- Started a list of books we want to read together
• Discuss plan weekly on Sunday Saturday afternoon- Some, but still need improvement. May move it to a Saturday planning time. Need to evaluate this.

Kids

• Spend 30 minutes of one on one time with each child every week- still need to work on this
• Go to playgroup each Tuesday- Still missed a couple
• Write in individual journals at least 3 times this year- Have gotten caught up and well on my way to doing this
• Finish Jamey's 1st year Scrapbook- Finally went through some of the stuff and looked at what I need to do with what I already have

Homemaking

• Keep up with cleaning schedule- Still working on overhaul, so not so much with this again this month, but getting plans so that we should be able to keep up some next month
• Keep up with my calendar- Much improvement, but still have a ways to get where I want to be with this
• Being fully present when with my family- Getting better at this, but still struggling

Ministry

• Continue sending out Prayer List- Yes

Personal

• Read a book a month for myself- Finished "The Time Machine" and am half way through "Oliver Twist"
• Journal 5 days a week- Yes! God has really been giving me opportunity to do this in the morning
• Write (books) 3 days a week- Worked on some notes for a non-fiction book that is in the works 
• Edit novel to prepare for publishing and research publishing options- a little basic editing and began talking to people about publishing
• Finish Rosetta Stone Russian level 1 - Have not worked on this
• Continue to meet once a month with writing group- Yes!
• Blog 3 days a week- Definitely kept up with this

Health

• Go to water aerobics once a week- yes! I have been able to go twice a week a couple of times
• Maintain weight until birth- Maintained well this month!
• Lose weight after giving birth- 

I cannot believe April has come and will be gone tomorrow. God has really been working in our home and in me. He is growing us as a family, helping us to become more organized in our home and learning to relate to each other better. He is also opening up opportunities for ministry again as I will have a Childbirth Conversation Class  next month and have relaunched my Childbirth Conversation blog. (If you would like to contribute with stories or have questions you would like to see answered let me know.) God has been so gracious and is blessing far beyond what I deserve. Thank You, Father, for Your great, undeserved blessings. May I continue to see Your goodness.

What was April like for you?

April Blessings

It's hard to believe April is gone. God has really blessed us this month, even when things were crazy or tough. We serve a truly awesome God!

1. Gabriel singing "Sing and Shout"
2. Getting a lot of school done
3. Going to Shelby Park
4. Finishing the school week early
5. Making Amish Friendship Bread with Jame and Lillian
6. Reuben and Gabriel singing and dancing to "Sing and Shout" together
7. Great dentist appointments for all the kids
8. Celebrating Passover and Good Friday in the same day
9. Jim not working on a Saturday
10. Having a relaxing family day
11. Emmie's Family getting to our house safely
12. Jesus is Risen! 
13. Celebrating Easter
14. The kids learning to play dominoes
15. Reuben picking up on games
16. Jim getting to come home early
17. Jim being saved for 12 years
18. Breakfast at Wild Eggs
19. Getting back into school after a holiday break
20. Having a good dentist appointment after 5 years
21. Finding a wonderful dentist office
    
22. Going to water aerobics and meeting 2 more pregnant women to encourage
23. Talking to Britney
24. Kids playing together nicely
25. Sam standing up and clapping
26. Getting some writing done
27. God's amazing grace
28. Going to a legacy marriage class with more seasoned couples at Sojourn
29. Prayer time for the Wilburn family
30. Time to talk with Jim
31. God teaching me more everyday about who He is and who I am
32. Getting out of the house all by myself with all 5 kids in the rain! (This is quite an accomplishment for me.)
    
33. Celebrating Sam's 1st birthday!
34. Having lunch with the Sholtes
35. Date night with Jim
36. Having time with God
37. Getting things rolling for Childbirth Conversation Class
38. Sleeping until 8 am
39. Sam having a good doctor's appointment
40. A Friday night with Jim
41. Playing "Go Fish" as a family and Reuben beginning to catch on
42. Making it through Jim's first day shift Saturday
43. Becca making smoothies for lunch
    
44. Subway
45. Jamey's singing for his siblings
46. Getting through church Jim's first Sunday at work
47. Becca helping me get the kids dropped off
48. Watching Reuben build by himself and figure things out
49. Celebrating Becca's birthday
50. Free Chick-fil-A salads
51. Jim teaching the kids to bowl
52. Good CG discussion
53. Learning to open up to Jim
54. Kids playing together
55. Getting some extra sleep
56. Date night with good conversation
    
57. Seeing Jill at the mall
58. God immediately answering my prayer about Jim's schedule though I asked for it a week later
59. Reuben peeing in the toilet!
60. Getting Childbirth Conversation blog going again
61. Immediate positive response to Childbirth Conversation Class
62. Getting caught up on all of the kids' journals!
63. Getting lists going for things that need to be done
64. Great time at writing group
65. Getting to know Kimberly better
66. Already having 10 women planning to come to the Childbirth Conversation Class with several inviting other women to come
67. Hearing more of Nathan's story
    
68. Date afternoon with Jim
69. Finding needed things at Little Treasures Sale
70. Jim getting called off for the morning
71. Cleaning much of the living area
72. Productive morning
73. Putting Sam in a hanging chair to eat
74. Great conversations at playgroup
75. Seeing Esther
76. Connecting with Leah
77. Going to water aerobics
78. Seeing Alexxus
    
79. CG at our house
80. Hearing Robin's story
81. Getting schedules done for the next 2 weeks
82. God growing me in patience
83. Beautiful weather
84. A single lady interested in Childbirth Conversations
85. Great morning in God's Word

Gooney Bird Greene

I have really mixed feelings about this book. One it's super silly. Two, the way it's laid out is a little annoying and obnoxious. But it is an interesting way to teach kids how to write/tell their own stories. As an author that was what I enjoyed about the book. My kids seemed to enjoy it, which is a plus. All of the interrupting of the stories made it hard to follow and felt very ADD to me. I realize the author was doing it to teach, but I did not like it. I think my kids did, though, so for them it was probably a good way to break it up. I'm not super excited about reading this again in the future, but maybe since I'll be prepared for it, it will help me to use it to teach instead of just reading it.

I will give it 3.5 stars. My kids give it 4 and I would say 2-3.

Hurt and Suffering

Our third sermon in the emotions series dealt with hurt and suffering, and how this one hit home. Sometimes I don't even think I know how much I'm hurting until I hear something like this because it's often subtle hurts, not the big obvious hurts. We looked at Psalm 42 as Pastor Nathan S shared his story of suffering and how God spoke to him in it and shared what God taught him through this Psalm.

Psalm 42:

As the deer [b]pants for the water brooks,

So my soul [c]pants for You, O God.

2 

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;

When shall I come and [d]appear before God?

3 

My tears have been my food day and night,

While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

4 

These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.

For I used to go along with the throng and [e]lead them in procession to the house of God,

With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.

5 

Why are you [f]in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

[g]Hope in God, for I shall [h]again praise [i]Him

For the [j]help of His presence.

6 

O my God, my soul is [k]in despair within me;

Therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan

And the [l]peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.

7 

Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls;

All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.

8 

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime;

And His song will be with me in the night,

A prayer to the God of my life.

9 

I will say to God my rock, “Why have You forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning [m]because of the oppression of the enemy?”

10 

As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me,

While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

11 

Why are you [n]in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

[o]Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,

The [p]help of my countenance and my God.

The first thing we see in this Psalm and what our hearts are longing for in the midst of hurt is Longing to Long for God. God is the only One who can heal our hurts. He is the only One who can soothe the pain. The Psalmist knew that and cried out to God for relief. Whether our suffering is physical or emotional or mental, we can scream out to God for help. Sometimes that is all we can do. I know that has been the case for me many times over the course of my life. But if that's all we can do, it is pleasing to God and it is worship, because we are admitting we cannot do this on our own.

The Psalm also deals with Dealing with Hurt and Despair. Pastor Nathan gave us 4 ways from Psalm 42 to do that.

1. Pour out your soul to God- Let God know what is in your heart. Be honest with him about your feelings.
2. Remember the goodness of God- Remember Who He is and what He has done. Sometimes that means looking at what He has done for others because we cannot see what He is doing with us.
3. Declare God's love for you- Preach the Gospel to yourself! Remind yourself of what God's word says.
4. Put your hope in God- One day this suffering will end for God's people when Jesus comes back to make all things new.

Finally we discussed how we Find Lasting Hope in the Midst of Despair. He gave us 3 truths to remember.

1. Jesus has suffered deeply as well (Hebrews 2:9)- Jesus knows all of our pain, grief and sorrow. He has lived it and will help us through whatever we are dealing with. Cry out to the One who has known more suffering than we can every imagine.
2. God is present with us in the midst of our suffering- He never, ever leaves His people alone. Just because He is allowing a hardship in our life does not mean He is absent. Trust that He is walking with you.
3. Our suffering will one day end (Revelation 21:1-7)- This is a reiteration of putting our hope in God, the One who will one day wipe away every tear and heal every scar. One day we will be made completely whole.

Know the promises of God and hold fast to Him. What truth or verse has comforted you in the midst of hurt and suffering?