Battling Loneliness

I remember a time in my life where I could sit for hours entertaining myself with books, writing, listening to Adventures in Odyssey or music. I loved and cherished being alone and felt shy and awkward around people. As I got older that began to change and I have noticed that increasingly, especially the past 3 or 4 years, I have really battled the feeling of loneliness. Only recently have I stopped to evaluate this and I am still working through this with the Lord, but it seems as though I have started relying on people to be my connection to God, at times, instead of actually connecting with Him. I know He is there. I know He provides for me in so many ways that even others cannot see. But emotionally I struggle with that connection, with letting God be enough. I have never doubted His provision physically or financially but emotionally and spiritually I seem to fight with on a circular rotating basis. I know it comes back to my fallen nature of wanting to do things my way and to want what I want when I want it, but sometimes this reality is far from me. I am thankful that God is working so diligently to weed out this selfishness in me but it can be very painful at times.

Until this week I was in one of those places, very "Eeyore" if you will, of no body likes me, I guess I'll just be all alone. It's silly and ridiculous, but I was wallowing in self-pity. But knowing how ridiculous it was I never would have admitted it to anyone, not even my journal. Then Sunday we talked about God being our complete joy no matter what was happening or what we were feeling. God is our joy and only in Him can we have true joy. It hit me like a ton of bricks: Jesus has to be enough because He IS enough! And I must remind myself of this hourly. Jesus is enough for me. He is all I need. And the people He has put in my life are there to help point me to Him and living life for the glory of the Lord not to make me feel better.

This week God has blessed me in abundance in this area having wonderful mornings and great afternoons reflecting on His word and His goodness. The Lord is the great provider of ALL things. Put your hope in Him and He will never let you down.