This week we have worked really hard to begin cleaning and organizing our whole house. This is something I have wanted/needed to do for 2 years, but have not completed for many reasons. The biggest reason: I am a ridiculous perfectionist! No kidding. You would never know by walking my house that I hate clutter and disorder, but my perfectionism out weighs my OCD tendencies when it comes to my home because if I cannot get it all done in one day then I forget where I was or things get moved that should not have been and I feel like I have to start all over again. This causes my stress level rise beyond, what I feel, is a bearable point, and so I learn to live with horrible disorder and tell myself it will be better when the kids are older. Clearly this is a lie and I need to learn how to have some order and teach my kids some order now!
Monday we spent all day on the living room, deep cleaning and organizing. I was doing well until the end of the day. It was hard work, but I had been able to organize the shelves with decorative things, movies, kids stuff, Wii games and coupons fairly easily as well as move stuff from off the table we use for shoes and bags with little mental trouble. The last shelf did me in. Why? It was a shelf of my things. The thought of having a shelf for my notebooks in the living room stressed me out beyond what I was prepared for. At the time I did not understand why. What was such a big deal about having a shelf for a few of my things in the living room?
I am a selfish person at heart. I know this. God has graciously revealed this to me and has helped me to seek to kill this sin in my heart. The hard part of dealing with this is I can easily swing to my legalistic side, which says I must not have anything that is mine and deprive myself. This is not an appropriate response! My dear friend, Julianne, reminded me that it is good for my family and me to have a shelf with my things as it teaches sharing and that not everything belongs to them. It's not selfish to have a shelf with a few of my things on it. The house, the shelf, the things have been entrusted to me by God to take care of, and if that means having a shelf in the living room to keep the things He has given me on because it is the best place for them, so be it.
I pray as we organize God will continue to show me how to best steward the space He has given us. Maybe I will move the things from the shelf as we find places for other things in our house, but for now it is OK because it is the best use of the space at the moment.
I also pray God will kill my perfectionism as we organize in spurts. This is very hard for me, but must be done the way our schedule is the next couple of weeks. I want our home to reflect God in all things, even in the way it is organized and put together.