Not In My Own Strength

Today was one of those days. One you don't want to write about or really remember. But it's one of those days that I remember that God is my strength and only by His grace and work in my heart can I even get through.

I woke up at 7:30 when I heard some noise coming from across the house. I was dreaming vividly when the sounds woke me so it took a few minutes to come to reality. If you have been awaken during a dream you know the state. When I realized the time I thought, "Yay! The kids slept in again." I walk to the kitchen and was greeted by my sister huffing, "finally!" Apparently the kids had been up for an hour and a half but had failed to come get me when they got up and had not made enough noise to wake me up. So that is how the day began.

Jamey was crazy hyper and clearly had not slept enough. We began the day with immediate disobedience and defiance. I ended up sending him back to his bed to lie down for 30 minutes because he was so crazy.

Lillian also had a bit of an attitude, but that seems to be the new norm for her right now.

Thankfully school time went smoothly, even with Reuben joining us. I was able to finish unpacking boxes while they played upstairs. These were the clear blessings for the day.

After lunch the disobedience and disrespect came out with a vengeance as well as fighting among all three. This called for an early rest time. They were all sleepy, clearly, but trying to explain to a 3 1/2 year old why he needs to sleep is futile. Thankfully the younger 2 went to sleep fairly quickly, but Jamey did everything he could to fight it and with blatant disobedience. After 2 hours I was over it! And it went on for 4 1/2 hours.

These are those sanctifying days. These are the days that I marvel at God's patience with His children. These are the days that I see God molding me into Christ likeness even though I don't want to be. These are the days that I cry out, "Lord, I cannot do this! I cannot go on like this!"

And ironically, this is God's grace. This is where He wants us. On our knees relying on Him to get us through and to become more like Him.

One day I will act in love instead of reacting in anger. One day I will think rightly.

But until then, I will fight with Jesus by my side. I will fail and repent and He will pick me up again and I will continue on until I see Him face to face and I will be perfect as He is perfect.