My 6th baby is due on Tuesday, so I am in the waiting game as I wonder when my new little one will make his appearance. I am hot. I am sweaty. I am tired in every sense of the word. I feel a little bit of pressure due to some family circumstance that have come up and try not to dwell on that, knowing that God's perfect timing is best. And yet, I am still tired from juggling all this. I say I believe this but functionally am acting as though it all is on me.
Today I prayed as I read Psalm 146 and was reminded again about praising and worshiping God in all circumstances. I pray constantly for God to put me into labor, yet I have forgotten to stop and praise Him and worship Him as my God and Creator, the Creator of my child, the Giver of all life. I am functionally living as if I am God.
No wonder I am so tired!!!!!
So this morning I spent some time praising God and asking Him to fill me with His Spirit. And I feel better. I have been able to do things that my fatigue excuse did not allow for and to care for my children a little better. Don't get me wrong, it's still been challenging and I have yelled, I have cried, I have wanted to lock myself in my room and let the kids duke it out for themselves. But now I can better hear that still small voice as I seek patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control and love. I can say God help me and I praise You for making me.
In this, though, I'm still fighting the bargaining flesh, the part of me that says, OK God I've done this, now it's time to go into labor. I don't want this either. And so I turn again to say, thank You God for giving me Your Spirit so that I can do what is right. Give me the desire to do what I need to, no matter what happens.
Waiting in hard. But how God has drawn me to Him during this time of waiting. My God is so amazing!